Tolai - Healthtalk Australia

Name: Tolai
Age at interview: 25
Gender: Female

Background: Tolai and her husband have twin eight-year-old daughters, and two sons aged seven and 10 months. They live in a large city. Tolai is a stay-at-home parent and comes from Afghanistan.

About Tolai

When Tolai was 18 and heavily pregnant with twins she migrated to Australia to join her husband. After their twins were born Tolai felt less homesick and alone. She became pregnant again quickly, despite being on the pill. This was very challenging without family support. Five years later, Tolai had another baby. Tolai now feels settled living in Australia.

Read excerpts from Tolai's interview

> Experiences of pregnancy - Tolai described moving from Afghanistan to Australia when she was eight months pregnant with twins as a 'big thing'

Yeah this is a big thing. Because when I married my husband here I was in Afghanistan. Then I'm pregnant. Then they give me the visa to come here but my family don't want me to come here because of my pregnancy and my husband wants me to come here because in Afghanistan not good, killing and these things.

When he heard about the twins then he say, 'You come, birth must be here because here is very good', the nurse and clinic and things and that's why I came here and had the babies. I was eight months pregnant, then after one month my babies arrive.

> Staying in hospital or a birthing centre after having a baby - Tolai felt that the care and emotional support from health professionals after her children's births in Australia was better than what she understood to be the case in her home country Afghanistan

When my babies are 40 weeks [gestation] then the doctor say, "You come in and must give birth to them". Then I went to hospital and I'm crying all the while because I [starts crying] - sorry... I had an epidural and they put in my back, so I did not have any pain when my babies were born - but then I'm very bad and struggle because my head is very painful. Because my blood is going - the doctor doesn't know about this, and then [for] about 10 days I am very bad - headache. Still in hospital, I was there but [for] 10 days I don't eat, don't drink [crying]. Sorry. When I eat anything, then I vomit and they give me a drip all the time... The problem, when the specialist come, they say, "Your blood is not enough for your body... [you lost] too much blood when the baby's born," but the doctors know about this one and my head is very bad pain and always when I take something [to eat] then I vomit. I can't eat or drink something for 10 days. And after 10 days I'm good.

I don't see my babies properly because they take my milk and the bottle and then they give them [to my babies]. After then when I'm good - feeling good - because they give me blood, then I'm good [laughs]. I feel very good because before I say I'm crazy because my head is all the time very bad pain. Then I cry, cry, cry. But then at the hospital the nurse and the doctors are very good, they look after me all the time. They give me the medicine at the right time.

Yeah I like the people there, very good, very kind. I'm very happy. I feel very good first because in my country the doctor is not good with the patient, not very kind. Here when I cried and they said, "Come on," and they hugged me and kissed me, "Don't cry, you miss your family, I know", and they talked to me and then I am very happy, I feel very good.

In my country no... who cares? "You cry - so cry, I don't care about you." Here it's very good. When this son was born, the little one, [laughs] my tummy was not - my iron is low Vitamin D, Vitamin C, everything. I feel not good. Tired and very pale. My head is also bad. My body is - all my body is painful. Then when they check my blood they say, "You take one week in the hospital".

> Experiences of health professionals in early parenthood - Tolai appreciated her maternal child health nurse's knowledge of her children and felt comfortable asking the nurse questions about both her children and her own wellbeing

It's very good in here, the [maternal and child] nurse, because you know about your child, how they grow and they're normal and when my son is a little bit underweight when the nurse told me I'm very happy because I know and I still give him some special food to grow bigger. In my country [nothing] like this, health nurse or something. When you are taking the vaccine this is good but the government do not tell you to go and vaccine. Here I'm very happy, very good, you know about everything... I'm very happy because I know but when I'm worried about something then I ask the nurse, "Why is it like this?" and sometimes [my son] always knows something he wants. I don't give him and then [he] shout, "Oh, oh!" [laughs]. I asked her and she said, "Yeah this kid is normal, nothing happens". Something I'm worried and then I ask her. I'm very happy when I talk to her. Yeah when I'm sad or worried about something then I ask, they give me a question, I'm happy.

More about Tolai

Tolai and her husband had an arranged marriage in Afghanistan. Tolai's husband was living in Australia, but stayed in Afghanistan for several months after their wedding. Two months after they married, Tolai became pregnant.

Following an ultrasound at six months, Tolai found out she was having twin girls. Despite a history of twins in her family, this came as 'a shock'. Tolai said her mother was 'very worried' about her having twins at a relatively young age. Her mother was also disappointed she was having girls 'because in Afghanistan people don't like girls too much', but Tolai reassured her that she was 'very happy' because she wanted daughters.

Although Tolai's family did not want her to travel to Australia while she was pregnant, her husband wanted her to give birth in Australia because he said the healthcare system was better. When Tolai was eight months pregnant she arrived in Australia. She felt isolated because she could not speak much English and couldn't drive.

Tolai gave birth to her twins at 40 weeks' gestation. Her second twin had to be vacuumed and Tolai haemorrhaged during the delivery. This led to her experiencing extreme headaches and vomiting for ten days after the birth. Tolai did not see her babies properly during this time, and the nurses fed them with expressed milk. After several blood transfusions, Tolai started to feel better. This experience was very distressing and she did not tell her family back home, because she didn't want to worry them.

Once the twins were at home, Tolai felt less alone. She appreciated her husband's help caring for their daughters. But despite being on the pill, Tolai was soon pregnant again. Because the twins were still so young and they had limited family support, she and her husband decided to have an abortion. However, once at the clinic, Tolai could not go through with it. Physically her pregnancy was challenging but she told herself she was 'strong' and must look after the twins and not 'lie in bed'.

Five years after her son was born, Tolai became pregnant again. She is now very happy to have two girls and two boys but says she does not want any more children because her fourth pregnancy and birth were 'very hard'. Iron and vitamin deficiencies made her feel tired and sick and Tolai had to stay in hospital for a week. Her son also developed an infection and had to stay in hospital for two weeks. Tolai said the health professionals looking after her were 'very good and kind'.

Tolai said Australia was now her 'second home'. Other close relatives have joined them, she has her license, and she attends English and sewing classes at a local women's community centre. Tolai's advice to other young migrants having their children in Australia is to 'be strong because it's hard to be far away from your family', and to remember that Australia is safe and that children get a good education here.