Most of the parents we spoke to experienced healthy pregnancies and had healthy babies. A few people we talked to described distressing experiences of pre-term birth, babies requiring special care, stillbirth or late miscarriage, and the death of newborn baby.
Several women experienced a threatened pre-term labour. They described this as causing distress and anxiety. When Melanie was 24 weeks pregnant with her first child, her cervix was shortening and she was admitted to hospital for three weeks on bed rest. Fortunately, her baby was born at 37 weeks.
Melanie described her experience of hospital bed rest for her threatened pre-term labour.
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I mean I think that I was always predisposed to anxiety anyway but I was very anxious quite a lot throughout my pregnancy. I went for a check-up at 24 weeks and I went up for a scan and it showed that my cervix was shortening.
So anyway, 24 weeks came and went and there was no movement and I had a scan and it showed everything was as it was. Nothing had changed. So I stayed in there 'til 27 weeks but I was on bed rest the entire time. And, of course, you're terrified to even get up and have a shower or do anything because you just think any pressure is going to set things off. And they had me in trendelenburg position, which means that your head is down that way and so it was just a very uncomfortable three weeks.
Some mothers went into labour and gave birth early. During her third pregnancy, Sarah M began bleeding at 28 weeks and was hospitalised. On her ninth day in hospital she started to have contractions and gave birth at 30 weeks.
Sarah M felt frightened before her son's premature birth, and sad afterwards when he had to go into special care.
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But, unfortunately, the bleeds just kept happening and they were getting progressively worse and worse and quite major and I was losing a lot of blood. So on day nine I had a major bleed and throughout the night and I actually started contracting. And that was the first time that I'd contracted during the pregnancy. So they - the baby wasn't coming so took me down to the birthing suite just because there's nurses on there that can, at the wee hours of the morning, that can monitor everything that's going on with you. So even though you're not having a baby, you're down in the birthing suites. They filled me up with pethidine and sleeping tablets and they gave me a blood transfusion. And then in the morning, I went back up to the ward and there was an expectation that this would just continue happening.
So after the blood transfusion, I actually felt quite good ... I had my mum and dad come and visit me and I had a really good day. And then mum and dad left around about dinner time and as they walked out I felt another bleed happen. Another major one and they took me back down to birthing and they filled me up with pethidine and they told me to go to sleep because the baby wasn't going to come.
I woke up probably an hour and a half later and - after falling asleep, and I buzzed and one of the students came in because the hospital is a school hospital, that's where they train the nurses and doctors. And a student came in and asked what was wrong and I said, "I'm going to have the baby", and she said, "No you're not, you're just contracting because you're bleeding, everything's okay", and I said, "Look, I've had two children, I know how it feels and I'm definitely going to push this baby out tonight, please get an obstetrician". So she went and called an obstetrician and I said, "Tell the obstetrician I want an epidural", because the previous 10 days had just been so hard that I just - mentally I don't think I was going to cope with a natural birth. So she took a long time to get that obstetrician and by the time the obstetrician came in I was 10 centimetres dilated and I was ready to push the baby out. And I was devastated, I really wanted that relief of having the epidural.
He had gotten to 30 weeks and he was around about - we knew that he was going to be about one and a half kilos. So we were happy to get him to 30 weeks but the the outcome, we knew, was going to be, probably, that he would have to go on CPAP, which is something that assists the breathing. I'd had steroids to develop his lungs so we knew that that was positive but they pretty much had prepared us for the fact that he wasn't going to be able to breathe on his own when he was born. And that was really upsetting, they'd taken me down to special care a couple of days beforehand because I'd never seen a premature baby before. So I had no - I didn't know what to expect and I was really frightened. So yeah, the babies are tiny and the mums are sad and [becomes emotional] it was scary.
So it came in two pushes - I pushed him out very quickly. No pain relief and he was born and he started breathing straight away, he started crying. So that was wonderful and the paediatricians come in and they work on him and then they take him upstairs. So I was left just with the nurses and the students. My husband hadn't arrived yet and [tearful], and my baby had been taken away. And I was - it was very sad.
Twins are more likely to be born early, as most twin pregnancies do not continue beyond 37 weeks. Among the five parents we talked to who had twins, only Tolai, a migrant mother from Afghanistan, gave birth at full term. Andrew's twin son and daughter were born at 32 weeks and had to go into special care for seven weeks. Two women had their twins delivered by caesarean early due to concerns for the mother's health.
Due to problems with her liver,
Kahli's twins were born by caesarean at 36 weeks.
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And I ended up spending the last month in hospital because of the twins and being uncomfortable and yeah it was interesting. Because I was having - what do they call them?
Not Braxton Hicks - tightenings. They're called tightenings now and I was pretty much having one contraction a day with little tiny tightenings so I'd be laying there and I would have a tightening but then I would have a contraction. So for a month I was having a contraction a day. And my liver started to go downhill and my body was starting to be quite unhealthy. But I refused to have them on my birthday, I didn't want to be in hospital for my birthday.
And being, by then I was out to here really, you know they were getting quite squashed and big I think I went into labour and then they took me back to the hospital and I stayed there till they were born. And I cooked them quite well actually, people say, or I had women around me who had their babies were coming out at 29 weeks and I made it to 36 weeks which is pretty good for twins. But I was very ready by then to just - I was over it. I just wanted them to be with me and sorted. But they kept pushing it back and pushing it back.
And then I'd have blood, I looked like a pin because I was in hospital for over a month. I was just a pincushion and they took blood every day. And then they came in and said, "Your liver's looking a bit funny - so we need to take you into surgery". And I was like, "Yeah okay all right, hey pick me I'm ready". So went into surgery. The boys were born.
Sometimes babies are delivered prematurely due to congenital anomalies (birth defects). Tony's daughter was found to have a birth defect known as gastroschisis, and had to be delivered early.
Tony described his daughter's premature birth via emergency caesarean, followed by immediate surgery.
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When my partner was - we found out my partner was pregnant, we then - we found out my partner was pregnant about six months into the pregnancy. So we had a very short pregnancy. Then we went and got an ultrasound and the ultrasound technician told us that our baby could - there was a strong chance that she would have Downs Syndrome and that all her chest cavity was open and all her organs were on the outside. So that was quite difficult to come to terms with. And she put us in touch with a specialist but we couldn't get to the specialist for a week or a week and a half later. So that week was quite interesting as far as knowing what we knew. It was very difficult.
But when we got to see the specialist he put us at ease. So she didn't have Down Syndrome. There was nothing wrong with her basically except for her bowel was on the outside which is called gastroschisis. And all that that entails is for that to be after she's born pushed back into the hole and sewn up. And it ended up being a very simple operation as soon as my daughter was born. We said hello for two seconds and then she was shipped off, pushed it all in and now she's got this tiny little scar next to her belly button which you can't really see.
So as far as that goes it was all good but being told that we were pregnant and not having very much time, only a couple of months until she was born, we were told - my partner went to the hospital once a fortnight I think or once a month it started off being. Once a fortnight, something like that and then it got down to once a week and then it was once a day towards the end because we were told that she would have to be born premature. Because with this particular gastroschisis if you go on to full term the likelihood of her dying basically is massive. So they like to be born a little bit early. But she couldn't wait that long anyway so she was born five and a half weeks prem.
My partner went into emergency because my daughter's heart rate went through the roof and she was induced. So by the time I got to the hospital it was already underway. They took her into surgery, she had an emergency Caesar. We got to wave to our daughter for about two seconds. We weren't allowed to touch her at this stage because she was going off to surgery. And then we - that was about seven o'clock she was born and we got to see her at about 10 o'clock that night. Again we weren't allowed to touch her. She was tiny. She was born 1.3 kilos I think so a very, very tiny little baby she was. And she was in ICU for seven weeks and we only got to pick her up maybe in the last week or two.
Often preterm or newborn babies need time in a special care baby unit or intensive care. Parents described their babies being admitted to special care for a number of reasons including low blood sugar (hypoglycaemic), neonatal jaundice, meconium on their lungs, not putting on enough weight, and injuries resulting from a difficult birth. One baby contracted viral meningitis, while Georgia's two daughters were each admitted to intensive care due to breathing difficulties.
Georgia's second baby developed breathing difficulties at 5 weeks. Waiting for her to be admitted to intensive care was frightening.
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Five weeks - she was also five weeks old, and looked like she'd sort of caught a cold and she was just getting worse and worse. Took her into the hospital and was there and they said, "Yep" - we all went in by ambulance actually. We called the ambulance because she was really almost - she just didn't look like she was breathing properly to me anymore.
So ambulance came and took us in. We were in there. We got put in emergency department and her buzzer kept going off because her oxygen levels were dropping too low, and they're saying, "You shouldn't be here, you should be in a ward." Got to a ward, and they're saying, "Ah you probably - we need to have you reassessed for ICU, because you're really not well enough". And I'm thinking, 'Yes, I totally agree", because to me she was not a well child. She just wasn't well. She'd caught something and whatever it was was really taking over.
And that was a really hard day, because I think the doctors had come up and assessed her late morning and they'd assessed her and said, "Yes, you're eligible to be in ICU, you need to be". Basically, it's the sickest of the sick in ICU. So you need to really fit the criteria because there's a high demand on the beds. And they said, "Yes, soon as a bed becomes available you're in ICU". So I thought, 'Okay'. I felt better. I thought, 'Okay I know she's about to be well looked after'.
And then we were waiting and waiting and they had an air tank over her. They were trying all these different things to help get more oxygen into her body because just she wasn't having enough oxygen in. And I was really getting worried about her. And the nurses could see I was worried and they knew. They could see that I was quite capable of looking after her and quite relaxed about it. But they understood that I can deal with asthma, I can deal with that sort of stuff.
So with her - with me being worried they were also worried about her and they sort of kept coming in and checking on me, they're saying, "What do you think, what do you think?" I'm saying, "She's dropping". Every hour or so I'm saying, "You know what, she's actually - I can actually see her getting worse, a bit worse every hour". They're going, "Yeah okay, we'll call ICU". So ICU nurse ended up coming down and staying with us until we could get a bed, which was about another three hours later, just in case something happened there was someone there.
And for me the big scare was once you get - it's when you know they're being said yes to go into ICU, they are sick enough - the wait to get them to ICU is the most frightening part. When they're in ICU - we'd already had one child in ICU before. It's not so frightening because you know that the intensity of the care there is the best you can have and it's actually not as frightening as it is as once you've been told, "Yes you can get there", to get there.
Parents often found the experience of having a baby in neonatal intensive care distressing. Sarah M had never seen a premature baby and was taken to special care when she was hospitalised for her threatened pre-term birth: 'the babies are tiny and the mums are sad ... it was scary'. Parents also described finding it hard being separated from their baby, especially when they were anxious about their baby's health. Several people talked about the difficulty of having to leave their baby in hospital. If they already had children, juggling their time between their baby and other children was challenging. A number of parents talked about their experience as a 'revolving door' between hospital and home, and how exhausting this was.
Erin's premature baby had to spend one month in special care. She and her husband had to reorganise their lives to balance caring for their new baby in hospital and their other children at home.
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So they took my baby and he was fine. He was just a bit small. Well, not really small. He was actually the size of a full-term normal baby but not for my size. I mean, my babies are massive. So he was seven - just on seven pounds at 34 weeks. So if he had have gone full term he would have been like his big brother and been a 5.6 kilo baby. But he stayed in the NICU for a month, because he had feeding issues, so he wasn't really gaining weight. So that was a bit scary. And having two little ones as well, I felt quite torn, because I had to be - I wanted to be with my son who was still in the NICU, but at the same time, I had a family at home. What do you do? My husband had to take off some time from work so that he could organise things and I basically stayed in the hospital with my son until he was discharged. So, even though it was only a month, it felt - God, it felt like forever. It was awful and I feel so bad for people that have to do the preemie thing - and not just a month. We're talking six months. I don't know how they do it. So it was quite phenomenal.
Parents praised the hard work, skill and dedication of the staff in special care, but were also critical of some aspects of their experience. Two parents were upset when they discovered their babies had been fed infant formula while in special care.
Kirsty felt like she had 'failed' as a mother when her daughter was given formula while in special care for jaundice.
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And so I was breastfeeding her basically for 24 hours for three days. And I had had no sleep at all and she was still hungry and still crying and every time I put her down, she'd just scream and so on the fifth - well, on day 12 of her life, which happened to be my thirtieth birthday - we took her to hospital, and they admitted her because she was so jaundice and so dehydrated. And I'm sorry if I cry but it was just the most horrendous experience [laughs, becoming tearful] because we'd done our best to avoid hospitals because we just - it's just not how we roll I guess. And so I just felt like such a failure, trying to breastfeed my baby and I was just in agony every time I did it, and crying. And she clearly wasn't getting anything and she was so unwell - and it was my birthday. So we spent a pretty horrible night in the hospital where they spent a long time trying to get an IV into her so they could get some fluids into her. And she just screamed and screamed and screamed, and then eventually after a couple of hours of listening to that, they decided that they didn't really need to do that anyway. So it was just this horrible experience. And then they stuck her in the special care nursery under UV lights and fed her a bottle of formula, which she sucked down like she'd never been fed in her life and promptly went to sleep for the first time in days. And I was just heartbroken. I'd never wanted to feed her formula and I never wanted her to be in the hospital and I just thought that I'd failed as a mother. So she spent a few days in there and she was fine.
Late miscarriages, stillbirths and neonatal deaths were very distressing experiences. Two parents we talked to lost their babies either during pregnancy or after birth, a single mother and a father in a same-sex relationship. Sian went into labour at 17 weeks due to an 'incompetent cervix'. The experience was very traumatic because the doctors could not do anything to save her baby.
Sian felt her body had let her down when her daughter died at 17 weeks' gestation.
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But anyway, it was just so traumatic and the thing that I found so difficult was that the doctors couldn't do anything to help me. It was literally a hopeless situation that I asked, I said, "But you can do transplants and save people's lives and do amazing things and you can separate conjoined twins and you can do operations on children's hearts when they're still in the womb, why can't you save my daughter?" If I'm on full bed rest and maybe some fluid will come back but it was too early in the pregnancy for that to be possible. So basically then after four days my body started to go into labour. So I did a lot of, at that time, in that four day intervening period leading up to going into labour, I was talking to her a lot and I always talked to her anyway but it was sort of like it was going to be this thing we were going to have to get through together. Then I was really sorry, I just wasn't going to be able to save her. But just [crying] basically spending that time, just telling her how sorry I was. I'm so sorry because, at this point as well the doctors had said that they think it's because I had an incompetent cervix and that's why it's happened. So you've got these feelings of guilt that my body has let me down. If she was in someone else's body, this wouldn't have happened. She'd go to full term. It's because of me [crying], I've let her down, and you're feeling, so basically get me killing my baby, and I've read subsequent literature from people that have lost babies under these sort of circumstances and when you know the baby is going to die but they haven't died yet and that's because of something that's gone wrong with your body. That it's like your womb becomes the tomb and there's nothing you can do about it.
Daniel and his partner were expecting twins via surrogacy in India. At 20 weeks their babies' surrogate mother experienced bleeding. When she was examined, only one heart beat could be found. An emergency caesarean was performed at 26 weeks. One twin was stillborn and the other was admitted to neonatal intensive care, and died six weeks later. Daniel said he had not been aware of the risks of twin pregnancies and felt helpless and responsible.
Daniel described his grief at the death of his twin sons.
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We thought, 'What have we done? We brought these children into the world and ...' [first twin son] died and [second twin son] was struggling, and, yeah, so it was a big sense of responsibility. That we created these children and they'd come pre-term and all sort of letting them down.
Yeah, the other hard thing is you, you tell people you - that you're expecting a child, we did when we were ... maybe the foetuses were 12 weeks old and people have started buying little presents for the kids. We'd set up a cot in the bedroom for the children. We had lots of baby things that people had given us or come into the house and, ah, the - so it was all prepared and ... every time I walked past that room after the boys died, it was really hard. I didn't want to go in there.
You know, you just want to forget people gave you the things and you had to untell people 'cause you told people ... we'd told people who [crying] - we were having twins and then you had to tell people, well, the boys didn't make it. And having to tell people [deep breath] when they're so excited for you ... and you're so excited, yeah.
We hadn't realised, we were going to have to name our stillborn boy 'cause that brought a lot of emotions having to name him for the, for the death certificate ... and the same with [twin son's name] he went to intensive care, you know. We, we had held him a few times and sang him songs and yeah, it was something that a lot of people didn't really think we, being parents, because we hadn't brought a baby home, yeah.
And you're really only parents in your mind. Until the baby's okay, until you know, the baby is there.