Self-management of symptoms of early menopause

Cotton only, you know, anything that breathes. So I look at all those gorgeous tops in the shops and go, ‘No, I’ll sweat like a pig.’ So [ laughing] – and I go, ‘No, cotton. Cotton is the only way,’ you know, cotton or linen and also layers is the big thing. So I’ll be in a vest, which I can then strip off if I’m having too much of a hot flush, or a cardie or something. So it’s just being smart about what you’re wearing.

So don’t get stuck on a train and you’re wearing too many layers because that is just – you will boil to death. And it’s more entertaining just stripping a layer every now and then and then putting it back on because that’s more comfortable. But, yeah, I steer clear of any synthetic, you know, it’s all cotton. So cotton or bamboo or anything like, yeah, bamboo I find is kind of effective because it wicks away my sweat.

I went through a phase where I wanted to buy a whole lot of clothes that felt young because I felt like I was experiencing something that older women went through, and that was challenging to me. To – like that’s to young and funk it up, is what I kind of did for that. My body changed a lot, I put on quite a lot of weight. That’s from lack of oestrogen, not having as much energy to exercise, and also lack of sleep, when my body feels like it’s in survival mode. I’ve put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years and that’s been hard for me to get my head around. So body image has been a huge thing.

Trying to have light quality cotton bedding. I tried a cool pillow, which was extremely uncomfortable but it definitely does help when your head’s about to explode from heat. Pyjamas. Cotton pyjamas or just absolutely wearing nothing. No hot food after, like, five o’clock at night. No hot drinks. No spicy foods. You know, I used to really enjoy having a hot shower at the end of the day. It was my one – I feel like out of everything in the world it was my one thing that I absolutely enjoyed and for me now that will just send me into overheating straight away, so that’s something that I feel like it’s such a small thing but it’s been taken away from me, you know. That was my relaxing part of the day at the end of the day but now I know that I can’t do it because I will just overheat for hours afterwards and probably during the night as well, so it’s just small things like that.

The only thing I was very conscious about, at one point I kept saying, “I don’t know, but I think I’m getting these side burns. I look like Wolverine!” and then one of the registrars said at the hospital – she was so cute – because she say, “We think you look great with short hair. Why don’t you keep short hair?” And I said, “I don’t know. I need the long hair,” and then she said, “Why?” and I said, “I need to hide these side burns,” and then she said – I’m not a very girly-girl but you know – “Oh,” she said, “Just go to the spa and they can wax that off.”

I was like, ‘Oh, is that what it is?’ That’s when I realised, ‘Oh lots of girls wax this.’ And so now if I have like an important, like friends’ weddings, then I just book myself an appointment and wax the side of the face, wax the upper lip, fix the eyebrows and then that’s it. Otherwise, all the other times I couldn’t really care. It’s just that when I have that close proximity, then I just feel very judged, and I was like, ‘Okay, you know, I just need to fix myself up,’ and then, I think in a way that is like my armour.

Probably I’m just overthinking it. Probably no one even notices, but that’s my armour and I think, okay, if I fix this one thing. I’m sure if you ask my best friends if they even care whether I started growing a moustache, they probably wouldn’t hold that against me, they wouldn’t judge me any different. They might get concerned if I didn’t notice that, or you know, but they’re not going to love me any less – and that’s why I always think, ‘Oh, why am I trying to spend all this time trying to not be marginalised because I am facing all these symptoms of menopause?’ But I say maybe if it makes my life that one little bit better at work then I’ll just do it.

And so that’s something that has followed the menopause? It wasn’t like that before?

Or I didn’t notice [ laughing]. No, no. I think it definitely has increased a little bit. And another friend did say too, and I said, “I think it’s that withholding of oestrogen, right?” and she said, “Probably.”

I know that I feel so much better if I exercise regularly, so that has become a real priority for me, and obviously that’s a lot easier now because my children are older and pretty independent, so that’s probably, you know, has helped as well.

I try to get enough rest. That makes a massive difference to my symptoms of yeah, hot flushes or fogginess in my mind, but you know, like I said, sometimes I’m lying awake at two o’clock in the morning and I can’t go back to sleep. I have been doing yoga. That really helps and that whole learning the – that relaxation methods through yoga really has been beneficial for me.

I have noticed that my capacity to deal with stress is a lot lower than what it used to be. I go out of my way not to overload myself, and which is a bit of a juggle really, because I’m the type of person that really likes to be busy. That makes me happy. But [ laughing] if I get overloaded, suddenly it becomes too much and yeah, I need to keep that in check, yeah. You know, a lot – I don’t know whether – maybe I’m getting older and wiser [ laughing] but I try to focus a lot more on things that are positive than, you know, things that are negative or – or make me unhappy. So yeah, probably my capacity to deal with a large workload is a lot less. Yeah, probably that’s the main thing.

And just also taking it easy and saying ‘No’ to things. Because I find if I overdo it, if I get over stressed the hot flushes, insomnia, it all comes back.

So I just, yeah, some things are not worth putting myself through. So, putting – make the distance and going, “Actually, thanks but no thanks. I don’t want to do that this weekend. I actually want to just lie on the couch and read,” you know. And so, it’s making those adjustments. Sometimes I need more quiet time than what I would normally have, you know. Before menopause I was, like, “Yeah, let’s go and do this.” Now I’m, like, “No, let’s just have some quiet time.” So – and just realising I’ve got boundaries and I can’t push past them at the moment.

I have to pace myself a lot more. So, I just don’t like crowds anymore, you know, just being too close to or, you know, packed – jam packed in. I hate that. I need space because I’m, you know, if I’m having a hot flush I need a bit of air movement and stuff like that. So, it is – I have changed and I also find it easier to meet people in smaller groups now instead of big groups, so, yeah. It’s just much more – it’s easier to manage if I’m in a smaller group and can take my time.

I think the problems I experience with my memory, but also keeping a train of thought, being able to express yourself clearly, I think it’s been affected by a wide range of things. Chemo’s definitely one of those factors because I first started noticing it during and after chemo. It’s something that never quite went away. But there’s a lot of different things, like, some medications can cause sleep interruption, or you can’t get to sleep, you have problems falling asleep and then staying asleep. And sleep deprivation in any way affects your memory and your train of thought. So there’s a lot of different things that have contributed I guess.

I do find that I have to write everything down. I keep a desk diary, which is weekly and as soon as I get things like appointments or pretty much anything I need to get done that day has to get written down. If it’s not written down it’s not going to get done because I will forget. And you need to – I find I need to keep a notepad and pen in my bag. That helps me a lot. If [ laughing] case in point. I do find that I’ll be in the middle of a sentence sometimes and I’ll just completely lose train of thought. And it’s not because I’m not interested or, you know, I don’t have the information needed to finish what I wanted to say. It’s like it just goes blank and it’s quite annoying.

It’s frustrating more than anything. It hasn’t really caused many problems because appointments and important things like that I write it down. I’m in the habit of checking it multiple times a day. I check it every day. You can also keep a diary in your phone, which a lot of people do. But it is important to do these things because frustration is one of the things that can easily build and because I am more irritable now little things that I would have let slide before really annoy me now [ laughing]. So I find it very helpful just to write everything down [ laughing]. Write it down. Get in the habit of checking it every day.

Have you noticed any effects on your cognition?

No, not really. The tiredness does affect it. I get to a certain part of the afternoon and I’m just feeling like I’m not thinking as clearly as I used to. I feel fuzzy. I think what I’ve learnt to do in regards to that though is make sure that the things I have to really concentrate on, I – I make sure I do them in the morning. The things that I don’t need to concentrate on, or there’s a lot of industry articles I need to read, I will often leave them for the afternoon when I’m feeling fuzzy. And peppermint tea is a great one too, because that – that helps me kind of wake up when I need to.

The effects were immediate, and I struggle every day, every single day. The most common are the flushes. For the first six to 12 months there was – I had sweats every night. I was – probably for the first three months I had to change the sheets every kind of second day. I would just randomly be bright red and now I’m used to the fact that now I’m always red and hot through here, through my face. I’ve had to cut my hair. I’ve tried lots of different things to try and reduce the heat, but it doesn’t work.

I lived in [city name] prior to this and I will not move back because it’s just too hot. I can’t – I actually struggle with the heat; the hotter it is the worse I feel. And I recently started a course doing some animal studies just to try and help get my brain back into things and physically I just struggled. It was hot a couple of days and I really physically struggled to be able to cope with the heat and the – just the constant movement. I couldn’t get cool enough and I really didn’t cope. So, yeah, my family have to put up with – and my partner especially – have to put up with fans on and the windows open even though it’s, like, seven degrees or whatever it is outside, I still – or I’ll just sleep outside the blankets and then I’ll be freezing to the touch, but I can’t sleep. Yeah, I struggle.

It’s really about temperature control for me. Not just the hot flushes, but the one thing I learnt about myself is that oestrogen helps your whole body regulate its temperature. So, by having a whole lot of oestrogen taken out of your system, you no longer can control your temperature. So, I started – I can’t live without a fan, I carry just a simple fan around with me. I found that if I just fanned my chest I could, because for me – and everybody is different, but for me my – my hot flushes started around my chest and sort of worked their way either way. So, I – I would use a – a hand fan. And – you know, just from the $2 shop, and you know I went through a few, because they’re not the most stable things, but – and even a piece of paper folded can be used in an emergency.